Commitment

Fear of Commitment?

If there's one word that strikes fear in my heart, it is "commitment". To such people as myself, these three little syllables are scarier than the three little words that came before them.
You know my type: they may love their partners very much, they may have no interest in being apart or being with anyone else, but the mere thought of "committing" to the relationship makes their blood run cold.

They will put off marriage or even just an engagement for years, they will put up a valiant fight against pressure to settle down, and will offer myriad arguments as to why they can't promise anything. The excuses are as varied and individual as are the people who use them, but the one thing they all have in common is a profound, almost implacable, fear of commitment.


Its important to remember that marriage is also a commitment to yourself.

When you choose to marry, you are not only agreeing to take on a husband or wife, you are also agreeing to be a husband or wife. You are agreeing to marry and be married. You are saying to yourself that you are worthy of the love of another human being, that you are capable of sustaining a long term exclusive relationship, and that you are mature enough, thoughtful enough, confident enough, to become intimate partners with another human being through whatever storms you may face together.

Why is this? Why am I so afraid of committing to a relationship I enjoy and a person who makes me happy (most times)?

Let's start here:

I was married once before, and the thought of picking up dirty mens socks and having hair in the bathroom sink again is more than enough to keep me single for a little while longer.

A lump on the couch watching TV past midnight is not my idea of bliss....
I hate Corvettes and it is hard to pretend otherwise for very long. But the reality is none of us wants to wind up alone in our golden years...so at some point I will have to hop in that Stingray and try not to notice that driver missed a spot of silver stubble on his otherwise shiny smooth head.

I acknowlegde that I am a serious, value-oriented person, committed to achieving the very best in life, and worthy of the rewards that come from that pursuit. I do acknowledge that at some point I must welcome the responsiblity of contributing to a successful relationship, and that you have the self-esteem to expect them to contribute to it as well.

This is no small task. It takes bravery, self-esteem, confidence in your own judgement, optimism and an indomitable spirit. Not everyone is up to it. Not everyone has the moral fortitude to jump feet first into marriage in spite of the natural doubts that surface from time to time. Some people are simply afraid. They don't know their own character well enough to make such promises to themselves.

I have a tendency to focus on my family more since I am so ambivalent about marriage and commitment. I fully appreciate that marriage is the ultimate in selfishness, undertaken for our own wellbeing and happiness as much as that of our partner's. Perhaps in time I we will be. But at the very least, to introspect a little more before slamming that door, I must know for certain whether I fear committing to marriage, or to something larger...